This topic comes from the Psychopath Free book, which is available on Amazon!
Like sandpaper, the psychopath will wear away at your self-esteem through a calculated mean-and-sweet cycle. Slowly, your standards will fall so low that you become grateful for the utterly mediocre. Like a frog in boiling water, you won’t even realize what happened until it’s far too late. Your friends and family will wonder what happened to the man or woman who used to be so strong and energetic. You will frantically excuse their behavior, unable to acknowledge the painful truth behind your relationship: something has changed.
You spend hours waiting by the phone, hoping for that morning text message or a promised phone call. You cancel your plans for the day just to make sure you’ll be available for them. You begin to initiate contact more often, brushing aside the nagging sensation that they don’t want to talk with you—that they’re simply “putting up” with you. You find yourself filling their Facebook wall with compliments and cute jokes, trying to reestablish the perfect dream from the beginning of your relationship. But their responses now feel hollow at best.
You invent romantic stories and exaggerate their positive aspects to anyone who will listen. By convincing others that he or she is a wonderful person, you can continue to live the lie yourself. Throughout the worst of the relationship, your friends and family will likely know them as the “perfect” partner you described. After the relationship ends, it will be confusing and awkward to explain what really happened. Your stories will seem implausible, and your friends will wonder why you didn’t speak up sooner. They will not understand that you didn’t even know you were in an abusive relationship.
While you’re struggling with all of this unexpected anxiety, the psychopath is able to push your boundaries even further. You’re in a vulnerable place now, because you’re willing to put up with mostly anything—so long as they’re paying attention to you.
Their opinions about your appearance become much more critical than before. Suddenly, they begin to notice every little part of your body, commenting freely on your supposed inadequacies. You may even develop an eating disorder, failing to take care of yourself in an effort to keep them interested. Psychopaths are fascinated by body image issues, and will reward your unhealthy habits with the occasional compliment to keep you striving for perfection. Since your self-worth is invested entirely in their oscillating opinions, your moods will become conditional and volatile.
They will also begin to humiliate you in front of friends—no longer limited to belittling you behind closed doors. But it will always be done through a guise of humorous intention. You will be hurt to see that others seem to take your partner’s side and laugh, despite the way they’re making you feel. Psychopaths don’t care when they takes a joke too far, and they will dismiss any concerns you might have as hypersensitive. You begin to go along with it, playing the role of a crazy, unintelligent partner whose only purpose is to entertain his or her lover. With time, you will come to believe this façade.
All the while, they will sprinkle intermittent reminders of the idealization phase. If you reach a breaking point, they will always be ready to swoop back in with promises of unlimited love and affection. Although they will never take the blame for their behavior, these superficial distractions will be enough to convince you that they’re still the person you fell in love with. And nothing else matters.
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Destroying Your Boundaries
Like sandpaper, the psychopath will wear away at your self-esteem through a calculated mean-and-sweet cycle. Slowly, your standards will fall lower than ever.
Article Author: Peace