Something clicked with me this morning, and I want to share it, in the hopes it will help someone out there, dealing with the "what if's."
Whatever happened in your relationship with the psychopath, and no matter how awful the final discard was, it could not have happened any other way. The D&D (devalue and discard) is the psychopath's goal—the final payoff. They get to cause you the maximum amount of pain they can (sheer delight for them), and move on to fresh supply to start the game again. How could you have possibly prevented that? You can't—not with someone who is actively working against you, using love-bombing and trust, and a false persona, to set you up for a horrifying downfall.
You struggled through the relationship, watching the psychopath slowly pull away, devalue you, wondering what you had done wrong, and desperately trying to "fix" things between you. And all the while, they kept adding to the pressure—building your fears, your panic, and your addiction. It was deliberate and calculated.
There's no embarrassment in what you did, trying to save what you thought you had. At least, there shouldn't be. If you were with a normal person, it may have worked. But then, with a normal person, he or she would have met you half way, to work on any problems. The psychopath knew what they were doing—manipulating the situation and you, to create your desperation, and to increase your pain. It was the game. And if you haven't gone total No Contact, it still is.
You tried your best. In fact, you did more than your best, as you knocked down your own boundaries, trying to change and prevent what was coming. But in the end, there was nothing you could do—it was designed by the psychopath to end like it did. You could be the most stunning, accomplished, intelligent person, and it still wouldn't matter. It wouldn't have stopped the discard. Nothing will.
In the end, it really wasn't you, it was the psychopath. You tried to deal openly, honestly, and lovingly with someone who exploited that, and used it against you. You are not the sick person, the psychopath is. So please, learn to forgive yourself. You were in an unfair, exploitative, parasitic relationship, and how you reacted is how any normal, healthy person would have. You were being manipulated, and responded the way the psychopath wanted you to.
Now you are wiser. Now, you will grow from what you've learned, and become stronger. Your boundaries will be reaffirmed, and grow stronger as well. The psychopath did not destroy you—they have only tried to convince you of that. But that's the addiction talking. Rise up—be a better you. And remember, it couldn't have ended any other way.
It Could Not Have Ended Any Other Way
In the end, it really wasn't you, it was the psychopath. You tried to deal openly, honestly, and lovingly with someone who exploited that.
Article Author: progprof2011